As many who have attended training I have delivered will know, I have a mantra around self-care. Whilst many of the sayings are repeated many times, they are no less true – you can’t ‘pour from an empty container’ and you won’t be able to help others if you don’t ‘put your own oxygen mask on first.

What I have realised is that the characteristics that lead people to be Mental Health First Aiders can be the ones that hold them back from seeking support or looking after themselves. These include wanting to help and be there for others.

However, some of the conversations we have can be emotionally demanding and training. Maybe someone is particularly distressed, a situation resonates with you, or you are unsure how best to signpost them to appropriate help.

These conversations will not only drain our resources but have the potential to impact our psychological wellbeing. Therefore, it is important that we seek support and help.

Barriers to seeking support

Do you recognise these thoughts?

“I don’t want to bother them”
The paradox that says we are so ready to be there for others yet don’t want to bother people. We are not alone or unique in wanting to help others,. It is likely others will be willing to be there for you, as you are for them.

“I’ll be ok”
Yes, you may be ok and cope. That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t feel better for having a short debrief or chat with someone else. I always think that every challenging conversation saps a bit of our resources. A debrief will top up the resource so we are better able to support others. The alternative is that resources are gradually depleted until you are not able to provide the level of support you would like.

What support is helpful?
Think about what would be helpful for you after a difficult conversation. The likelihood it will be similar for someone else.

What would you like someone to do?
• Provide a safe, calm place and time to talk.
• Listen, non-judgmentally.
• Be calm, quietly supporting and reassuring. Sometimes just sitting in silence with someone helps them process their thoughts.
• Validate your feelings, acknowledge them and accept them without minimising them.

What would you like someone to say?
• If we are listening effectively the things to say will usually come to you.
• Examples might include: ‘that sounds really hard’, tell me about it?’, ‘what would it be helpful for me to do or say right now?”

What would you like someone to be?
• Calm
• Present
• Empathetic
• Available
• Focused
• Reassuring – you did your best

You will have recognised that all of the above are skills we have developed as MHFAiders, so we are already equipped to have these conversations with our fellow MHFAiders. In fact, you may find following the ALGEE model a good structure to follow.

Sometimes people may also find these conversations helpful as a reflection on what they might have done differently so they learn and develop their skills. Our role when listening it to ensure it helps to identify things that you might have done differently for example other signposting ideas, but this should be as a learning not in any way suggesting what they did was ‘wrong’.

What could you do as an organisation?

People in occupations that routinely encounter emotionally demanding conversations or situations have regular formal supervisions with the purpose of being able to debrief and off load some of the emotional impact. Whilst I am not advocating this it is important to realise that it is vital that ongoing support is provided to all MHFAiders so they do not experience any detrimental effects on their own wellbeing as they strive to support others.

• Provide regular networking or meeting up sessions for them as an opportunity to share what has been going well, what they are finding difficult, and share ideas and experiences – whilst obviously being mindful of confidentiality.

• Encourage an informal buddy system so people proactively contact each other after a difficult conversation.

• In addition provide regular sessions to help with maintaining their skills and talk about raising awareness of the role of MHFAiders within the organisation. (We run a range of sessions within organisations so if this is of interest get in touch).

Safety note: The suggestions and ideas within this blog relate to general MHFA interventions which people may find draining. It does not apply if someone has found something traumatic or very difficult. In this situation a formal debriefing mechanism should be available. As MHFAiders we are not equipped to support someone in this situation, as in ALGEE we signpost to the most appropriate professional support.

To conclude if you are a MHFAider:

• Identify one or two other MHFAiders you can talk to when helpful (if you are the only one in your organisation let me know and I can connect you with others).
• Speak to them when you feel it would be beneficial. Don’t hold back because you don’t want to bother them!

• If you are in an organisation:
o Set up a system to encourage this between your MHFAiders so they are providing mutual support.

Contact us for details

f you would like to discuss how to support your MHFAiders or are planning training on mental health and Mental Health First Aid please get in touch.  We’d love to chat through some ideas. Please call us on 01202 612 326 or get in touch.